Sorry J-Woww

Hey, J-Woww, baby. I see you crying and I feel horrible for it. But look at me. I'm crying too. And it's not just because you broke my nose and knocked out a couple of my teeth. Oh well, yeah it is but I genuinely DO feel bad.

I'm sorry I couldn't make it to (insert bar name here) to see you. I really wanted to go. I was going to show up four hours early so I had a chance of making it in the door and  paying the jacked up cover charge to see you but things just didn't work out that way.

I know you traveled this far because you wanted to be seen with me in public.  You wanted the world to know that even though you have the manners of  an eastern European convict, that their was someone out their that thought you were special and wasn't afraid of being within punching distance of you.

Know that you are special, baby.  You punch like a heavyweight kickboxer and have a chest that defies gravity. I've never had to defend myself while struggling to avoiding a boner induced coma.  You were my first time. And second, third and so on. You popped my cherry and possibly one of my blood vessels.

Hey, so maybe we won't be together but you'll be alright. You're really talented (have big boobs) so I'm sure you'll find another guy who loves you for who you are (can take a punch).

I'd really wish you'd stop hitting me, though. You punch like a man J-Woww. You got your point across when you hammerfisted my eye socket into pretzel dust. This is why I was a bit reluctant to come out and see you. Because of shit like this. And because you're crazy. And because of shit like this.

Oops. Kinda repeated myself. Guess the concusion is kicking in.

It was fun when you used to ditch the camera crew and sneak off the set of the Jersey Shore to come visit me. You were cooler then. I guess by that time at night you were all danced and punched out.

Figure now is as good of a time as any to let you know that I'm NOT a millionaire. What we did was fun (because you weren't being violent) but don't expect any free plastic surgery or tanning products like I promised.

So, darling, please let me out of this headlock. Even though what's left of my cheekbone is pressed against your boobs... on second thought.... You can keep hitting me.