Mo'Nique is NOT Precious: 82nd Academy Awards Can Suck It

Thanks to Google image search and the use of animated thumbnails to preview movie clips on free porn sites, I've accidentally seen enough gay porn to know that I don't want to intentionally see any gay porn. That being said; I will not watch "Broke Back Mountain".

"Broke Back Mountain" is one movie high atop my Do NOT Watch List. As far as I can tell, "Broke Back Mountain" is a chick flick about two gay cowboys. They're not even 'gun-fight-at-noon' cowboys.  I'm guessing if there's any violence in the movie it takes place after they drop trousers and start administering hands free prostate exams. So if I'm channel surfing and see as much as two cowboys hug each other, I'm pushing the TV out a window.

Recently I've found a friend to keep "Broke Back" company on my Do NOT Watch List. It's a disturbing movie with a long name called "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire".

Based on the lead actress, I thought it was about talking hamburger people or the Bizarro, female Biggie Smalls.

Baby, baby! Ugh!

The premise is far more disturbing.

In 1987, obese, illiterate, black 16-year-old Claireece Precious Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) lives in Harlem with her dysfunctional mother, Mary (Mo'Nique). She has been impregnated twice by her father, Carl, and suffers long term physical, mental and sexual abuse from her unemployed mother. The family resides in a Section 8tenement and subsists on welfare. Her first child, known only as "Mongo" (short for "Mongoloid"), has Down syndrome and is being cared for by Precious's grandmother.

It hurts just reading that, like someone vomited glass shards into my skull. I can already guess how this shit ends. Bad. Unless Frodo and Gandalf  appear, I don't see how the fuck that movie can turn out anyway good. I think in the sequel they drown and kick puppies and baby penguins to death and then make their corpses fill out tax forms.

But this isn't the main reason why I won't watch it. Though the depression factor is insanely large, it can not be held solely responsible.

Blame it on Mo'Nique.

 I can't stand her and her 'big is beautiful' attitude.  I wish she would lock herself in a Hostess factory and leave my eyes alone. I'm so AGAINST people believing they're beautiful when they're not. I wish we lived in a more shallow world we're people actually would strive to look beautiful instead of rationalizing it with 'self-esteem' and desperate men that would fuck anything with three warm holes.

And now she won an Oscar. So she's gonna feel better about herself. Which means she's gonna speak and be seen more. Both of which make me want to slam my dick in a car door.

MY Oscar speech:

"I would like to say the academy, for making fat douches like Mo'Nique feel special, you deserve to get infected by something embarrassing. And to the rest of you slimmer douches, I hope you all develop drug habits. Congratulations on having a platform where you are deemed important and can virtually masturbate in front of millions of viewers for working a dream job. P.S. Go fuck yourselves."