Lady Gaga is Awesomely Crazy

Men tend to not have sex with people that could potentially kill them unless they are in prison or date Amazonian princesses.  The biggest danger a man fears from a sexual encounter from a girl is a bumpy crotch or too much teeth during fellatio. That's not as thrilling as it stressful. But imagine how sexy the danger would be if you were to bang a female serial killer...and live!

First off  I'm not talking about any run of the mill, lady serial killer. She has to be of the "kill by hand" variety.  That means no guns or poison.  That's just not fair.  I want my sexy ass serial killer to at least give me a chance to fight back. That's part of what would make her so appealing.

Secondly she has to be hot. Not cute. But HOT. This is the only way this scenario is going to work. Let's picture a sexy James Bond girl type assassin but not professionally trained to kill, she just does it cuz she's nuts. You'd want to seduce a Famke Jenssen look alike

and not some murderous swamp monster that happens to have lady parts.

Now imagine you spend the night with her, this chick that traveled the country and murdered over thirty guys with her bare hands, you bang her and wake up in the morning alive. How awesome would that be? You know for a fact there's thirty dudes out there that you are THAT much cooler than. Talk about stroking your ego.

Another plus is that since you know she's a serial killer, if she doesn't comply with whatever you want you could just report her to the cops.  You could pull off some pro-wrestling type moves on her, pile-drivers, suplexes, choke-slams and she can't say shit to anyone about it. In fact she may even like it. She kills people after all. She WOULD like it.

With all the danger and insanity, it'd be like fucking a sexy grizzly bear or a shark. Or Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga is a rare type of crazy that you only see in very passionate people, violently passionate but passionate nonetheless.  She has the same "I don't care if I make you uncomfortable" attitude as someone that likes strangling hookers, except she's a hundred times cuter about it.

I'm not saying that Lady Gaga is a murderer, she just seems mentally dangerous.

Experiencing Lady Gaga is difficult. She could of gone the easy route and dolled herself up, appear in a bunch of men's magazines and talk about her turn-ons and all other types of silly shit to appear sexy but instead she chooses to behave like an attractive, special needs kid playing dress up or a future Batman villain.

This aversion to being normal not only makes me nervous but makes me love her more. And not the way her gay fans do. I would actually get in a twosome with her as long as she doesn't have that rumored Vienna sausage, penis thing going on down there.

I love the fact that one day she made a clear decision to tell logic and normalcy to go swallow some cleaning fluid and dive off a rocky cliff.  When everyone decided to walk left she chose to climb a wall and drink an eggplant mojito.  I'm always fascinated by people that choose to be passionately defiant by themselves without needing a group or ideology that some scam artist came up with, to follow like zombie sheep. Some people march to their own drums then others will walk on their hands while beatboxing and wearing a polar bear suit.

Any girl could go out there and show her boobs and wiggle her ass in front of  a camera but Ms.Gaga makes you pay for it because she can and her she has a Martian brain.  I watch her dancing half naked in her videos and enjoy it but worry that I'm going to see some psychologically scarring androgynous shit that I can't un-see like David Bowie dressed as Ziggy Stardust. She's a child seeing what she can get away with before she gets fitted for a strait jacket.

Oh, to spend the night with Lady Gaga must be a wild, performance art like experience, like walking into a room full of cats wearing berets, recreating Pablo Picasso's works on canvas or substituting the reasonable part of your brain with jellybeans made of silver and haikus about long, wet grass. We've seen the ridiculousness of her outfits and know that she's crazy or just  European enough to conjure up plenty of things that are insulting and threatening to the senses.  In bed.

It would be cool. Sort of.

I imagine she would wear lingerie made out of red oak wood, suggest using rainbow colored, arms length, party sized, strap-ons and talk about how she wants to get inside of YOU while pointing to your dick. She would throw gasoline on your boner then give you a kiss, take a picture and text it to your parents. She'd mention having a threesome and tell you to go down on a rose bush then try to stuff a flute in your ass while she wears a straw basket covered olive oil and peeled grapes.

Whether you could live through Gaga's sexual barrage of insanity would be your ultimate test as a man. Most would cave in and leave thinking they were meant to be women but a true stud would tell her to shut the fuck up. "I don't role that way," they'd say firmly. You'd have to lay down the law and tell her you're not giving into her fuck-tard demands, the same way you'd tell the sexy serial killer that you're not letting her kill you tonight. Then you'd leave a big, red, hand mark on her ass and tell her that you didn't come here to "Just Dance", you're sick of this  "Lovegame". It's turning into a "Bad Romance" and you're going to "Poker Face."

If all went well you'd wake up the next morning without something crammed in one of your orifices or covered in some kind of indigestible liquid and fish scales.