Douche Club Manager

Me: Hey, how are you doing?

Douche Manager: I’m miserable. You can’t come in with the hat. I’ll hold on to it.

Me: You’re going to hold my hat?

Douche Manager: Yes, you can go in but I must hold on to your hat.

Me: Well, how do I get it back? Where will you be?

Douche Manager: I’ll be out here frowning. You can get it from me later.

Me: Well…

Douche Manager: Oh, you CAN keep your hat …

Me: Okay

Douche Manager: But you must stay out there. (With grin on face he points to dirty ass corner of the street.)

Douche Manager: Or you can hand me your hat so I can toss it on the street.

My vision turns to black and white but before I can slam my palm up through his nose, two girls walk up to the front of the line.

Two girls: Hey, can we go in?

Douche Manager: I am what puppies think about when they get neutered. No you can not!
Two girls: What’s your problem?

Douche Manager: I suffer from a condition where I have to eat runny goat shit to stay alive. It has given me a shitty, passive-aggressive disposition. You girls seem like decent people and shall never be allowed in here. I’ll only admit other douchey goat shit eaters into this club!

The two girls curse at the manager and tell him to go fuck himself to no avail. A line begins to form and it smells like goat shit. It looks like orange tans, Affliction t-shirts, $250 jeans, multiple layered pop collars, sport coats with skull graphics and P. Diddy impersonators. The bouncer offers to suck their dicks but they opt to exchange phone numbers and enter the club instead. I walk to a bar around the corner and return once my eyes leak vodka. I then incinerate the club using my mind burning the manager and his pals to ashes. When the police arrive I lie and tell them that I torched the place with gasoline and matches. They phone the mayor and he awards me a trophy for public service and a lifetime get out of jail free card. Then Megan Fox arrives. I show her a list of things that I WOULDN'T do to her. The list is blank. She has her way with me sexually.

The End