Miserable Now = Happy When You're Dead?

If you're receiving oxygen to your brain then that title up there sounds like a joke. It is, but billions of inhabitants on earth don't know that. Then again, if that statement makes you want to nod your head and say out loud to no one in particular, in a voice I would imagine that sounds like Goofy or another mentally challenged cartoon character, "Yep, that's how it's all gonna work out", then you've probably already written me off as an immature, insecure asshole.  Well maybe I am but that doesn't change the facts. To put it as ignorantly simple as possible, that title is what religion is about.

No it's not!

Oh, yes it is. Well, the ones with a concept of an bonus round afterlife.

In a disrespectful oversimplification of things it works like this:

1. You're born
2. Spend you're life avoiding doing "bad" things and feeling guilty all the time aka having fun
3. You die and end up in Wonderland

That. makes. sense. right?

Well it says in this book that...


I don't give a shit what your books say or who was quoted saying whatever to a donkey or talking rock. Those books are thousands of years old and by now probably have been rewritten a hundred times by every corrupt king or emperor that was in power at the time. Yeah, there's some good lessons and practical knowledge in there but alot of it reads like a Lord of the Rings prequel.

Whatever book you're referring to surely started out with good intentions but then idiots got there hands on them and fucked them up. Through their own idiot filters they picked up on things that pertained to themselves and justified their actions and started twisting and preaching those ideas as the truth. The beautiful thing is anyone can do this. All you need is enough people to listen to make it valid. You don't even have to put it in book form. You could just post it on a blog... um...wait a second.

Why won't you sit and listen?

I will listen but I definitely probably won't believe you. I love having religion peddled to me. I find these attempted conversions amusing. How could I possibly turn away this free entertainment? It's not like the people at the mall that want you to try their magic, Dead Sea hand lotion, although I have let myself  be roped into their demonstrations more than once because I found their nail polishing routine very soothing and some of those girls wear low cut blouses. There's nothing to be purchased.


If there was a chance that they could somehow unlock my brain and dump their ideas in it, I might be a little threatened and belligerently dismiss them. But that would be like having a 7 year old convince me that Monday is a number or Jersey girls are sweet angels.

But life is miserable and the afterlife is our salvation.


It's been uttered about eleventy million times to humbled, suicidally disappointed adults that the grass is always greener on the other side. Well that's just an opinion. (Fuck you grass. Go cut yourself.) That also goes for the idea that life sucks.

Wherever you are in life, take some starving kid from a war-torn third world shit hole and throw them into your situation and they'll love. Now take some pampered billionaire prince and throw them into your situation and they may hate it. What's the difference between these two? Their opinions of things.

I'm pretty sure that when I die I'm going to be dead which is implied in the act of dying.  You know, like the way before I was born. Not existing.  Yeah I know it's only the body that dies and there's something beyond that but an afterlife? Come on cry babies. Just because you can't cope with what's going on now, doesn't mean you get a second chance to party it up in fantasy land.

I know it sound pretty bad and maybe a little embarrassing but you're actually responsible for your level of happiness or peace or whatever your missing right now. Scouts honor. So, you're actually choosing to be miserable. It's all your fault. It's your opinion that things aren't good enough around you. There will ALWAYS be something better if you allow yourself to think that way.

So, please go get a tac or large rusty nail and sit on it. It's your punishment for being so ungrateful and unsatisfied.


You need help. I'll pray for you.

Oh, please do. I could use the... Oh, you said pray. I didn't see the 'r' in there.