The Ramblin' God

"In this plane of existence, only you may see me." he said.

Me: Come on, man. I don't need this right now.

"Porquoi? Dost thou have no faith? Dost thou not see the benefit of witnessing a god?"

Me: You're fucking ridiculous, man.

"Now, gaze upon me now, mortal, as I perform a miracle!"

He stands up from his chair, arms outstretched, heels placed together. He begins to hum and tap his finger to his forehead, then to the bridge of his nose, back to his head. He's muttering something (or rapping) while twisting gently side to side. His bare, bony chest pokes out from

under his unbuttoned flannel shirt.

I try, as to not draw the 'crazy' attention to myself, to point him out to other people using my eyes. No one goes for it. Maybe my clenched teeth and the wild look of desperation in my eyes are too much.

Me: What the fuck! No one else sees this?

Or so they pretend. They continue to go about their business. Eating, reading books, talking to co-workers. They're either brazenly ignorant of their surroundings or playing that "I'm not getting involved in this shit" game we all play with homeless, crazy people.

"You see, they are not chosen to see divinity as you are."

Me: Please stop harassing me with your craziness, sir. I'm trying to eat my lunch. I got to be back at work in 15 minutes. This little 'thing' you're doing is gonna bug me all day.

(He stuffs his sandwich down his pants and does a headstand in his chair.)

"Why so child?"

Me: Stop that! That's why. Look around. Look at everyone in this food court. No one notices you acting crazy but me.

"Look at my eyelids and listen to the vibrations. Sounds familiar, dost it not? Three. Blind. Mice."

Me: You're nuts.

"That I am."

Me: Then why aren't you locked up?

"Because I'm not a threat to others. And that's why you're not locked up."

Me: Wat chu talkin' bout Willis?

"You're nuts too."

Me: Oh, so this is like The Sixth Sense where not only do I see dead people but I am one?

"Not quite nut job. We're not dead."

Me: You know what I meant.

"No I don't. The mice that dance in my head give me receipts that prevent me from learning."

Me:......

"And I have a reality TV show coming out this fall."

Me: Is it on MTV?

"No. VH1. It's a dating show."

Me: Oh yeah. Now I recognize you. I didn't know you were doing a season 3.