Rock N' Roller

I was ecstatic to learn that I was getting a new roommate. Delighted in the fact that my new housemate would be mildly retarded. You know, because I like having to repeat myself. Fortune smiled on me and delivered a rock and roll supernova aka Dim Starr.

My original roommate fell for the same trick that everyone lucky enough to speak with Dim does. He made eye contact with him. After that it was only a matter of time before Dim charmed him into living with us. Across the hallway from me.

Did I ever mention that the walls in my house aren't sound proof?

Dim walks in on me while I'm getting some food from the fridge. He's proudly strumming some nonsense on his new guitar. The way I would treat a mad dog or a homeless man, I do not make eye contact with him.

Dim Starr: I'm getting good, right?
Me: I can't tell. It sounds like you've been hitting the strings randomly.
DS: I've been practicing all morning.
Me: Yeah, I realized that. I'm sensitive to noises when I'm hungover.
DS: Practice makes perfect, right?
Me: Huh? Yeah...Maybe you should learn how to play a song.
DS: Can you show me?
Me: I don't know how to play any songs.
DS: Too many strings, right?
Me: WHAT?

If it was possible, steam would be coming out of my ears.

DS: Whatcha munching on?
Me: Well, I'm going to eat some waffles.
DS: Where'd you get them from?
Me: My mom made them for me.
DS: Why did she make them?
Me: She likes to cook for me.
DS: How'd she make them?
Me: I don't know. A waffle maker?
DS: Did she use a grill?
Me: What the FUCK are you talking about!?

At this point I stare Dim down before remembering he's 'gifted'.

Then I forget.

Pro wrestlers make smashing acoustic guitars across heads look so easy. It takes me about 3 attempts to break his.