Unemployment = Overpopulation

What's the problem?
Unemployment is on the rise because there are not enough jobs. There are not enough jobs because there are too many people. The voice inside my head says that's called overpopulation.

Who's fault is it?
Computers and idiots.

Computers are making it really easy to replace human labor with efficient, sexy, complaint free robot labor. That means less human jobs. Robot machines are also allowing us to live longer through their blasphemous science pills and medicine. The problem is that it's hard to be mad at computers and robot machines because they operate the internet and provide the world with an endless amount of entertainment and information (porn).

Idiots on the other hand love having more children than they can take of (Octomom) which are inferior to super sleek, robot machine computers. And since everything in the world can be downloaded to MP3 or PDF format, there's no more jobs left but plenty of idiot parented babies around running around bumping into walls.


What should we do?

We could try making more jobs but that would require creating jobs that actually create a product that can be exported to suck up all that cocky, foreign money instead of having people in suits play with monopoly money (stock brokers, bankers). If we were smart enough to do that then we wouldn't be in this mess.

So what we need to do is a little 'crowd control'. We should  'remove' portions of the population permanently (murder people). Start with the most useless segment of our society. No, not babies. I guess the second most useless, not to mention unwanted, convicted criminals.

Why kill convicts?
Prisons are supposed to be correctional institutions that help facilitate criminals back into society. The problem is that some people are beyond correcting. In fact prisons are like a criminal summer camp where they get to trade the best crime tips and tricks and nurture their antisocial behavior.

I don't believe that all criminals should be 'removed' though. Just the hardened, fucked up ones that you would have no interest in working with or have live near you because of the nature of their criminal activity and not because they're  from an ethnic group you feel uncomfortable around (Blacks, Latinos) you racist.

My solution is to have tigers eat them.

Why tigers?
They are 600 pounds of murder. Fuck whatever PETA tries to say about. Tigers love killing and eating living things. Using tigers over bullets or hanging would be environmentally safe and very entertaining. They are on the endangered species list so feeding them humans would make up for the fact that we almost destroyed all of them.  Tossing them those fresh, unarmed humans to eat would be like a tiger's version of Las Vegas.
Consider it charity work.


Which criminals?
Here's a list of people that you will never read a feel good, Oprah book club story about. I won't miss them and neither should you.

1. Serial Killers - Jars full of fingers, a freezer full of heads and a basement of bodies. That's what serial killers are made of. Every once in a while, a charming murdering psychopath will come along and taunt the police with a series of disturbing letters and puzzles but for the most part, serial killers are lame and lack charisma. The last thing you want is to spend your coffee break making small talk with a guy that is not only boring but also fantasizes about eating you.

2. Rapists - There are two types of rapists. There's the type that like to wear ski masks and carry around duct tape then there's the type that hang in frat houses and pretend to be short of hearing. If you're idea of a first date involves a butterfly knife and surprise encounter behind a bush, then you belong in a tiger pit. If you like to booze women until they can't talk and then high five your 'bros about it, then you deserve genital warts.

3. Child Molesters - With many crimes you can rationalize the behavior and look for the positive benefit. For instance, stealing a sports car to impress your girlfriend or blowing up an abortion clinic to impress Jesus.

Let's try to justify THIS behavior. Fill in the blanks.

Mr. Smith lured Tommy into his _______ with ______ then convinced Tommy to pull down his _______ and touched his ________ with his _______.

If filling that out gets you excited you are a) a Catholic priest  b) soon to be on Dateline NBC c) perfect tiger food or d) all of the above.

4. People with Face Tattoos - Getting a swastika tattooed on your forehead or "Fuck the World" written on your cheeks is not something you do on a drunken dare. Unless you're a rapper or Mike Tyson, having a tattoo on your face is a clear declaration that you intend to never listen to anyone EVER. Good luck finding one of these jerk-offs a job when they get released... on the twelfth of never. There's a useful place for people like this. A tiger's digestive tract.

Conclusion
Now there should be a surge in tiger trainer jobs. If this doesn't solve the problem, then pick a fight with North Korea and have them drop a nuke on us. I'm sure that will keep everyone plenty busy.